I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
