I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
