I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
