my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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