Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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