I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
