omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
