so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
