in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
