I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He shit in the fireplace
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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