her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize