Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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