he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
