Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
