Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
