Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
