We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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