a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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