i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
