I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
