I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
