I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
