She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
