only if we run a train.
done.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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