Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A+ Viking dick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
