never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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