I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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