I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude. I can hear the air.
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