That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize