I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
