Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Randomize
