i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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