Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
