I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
