I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
