just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
