Whod you bang
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
