i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why didn't you poke me back
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
