Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
