Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
