i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
