I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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