32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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