They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
