he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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