all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
