During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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