maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize