just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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