Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
