I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
