I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
