i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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