It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you had me at cake vodka
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
