Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love having hate sex.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
