Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
