dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
