i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
