Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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