I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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