Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
