The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
