New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
