she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
