youre lurking in front of me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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