He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This house was built for laser tag.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
