and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
