Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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