a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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