Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
nutella sex= disaster
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
