the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at about main and main street
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize