Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
