Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
