God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this hospital has no fireball
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize