we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
